Poison Ponderings
by Assumably
Summary: Hikaru wonders if Kira would kill her and talks to a stranger on a bench. I own nothing but the plot. One-shot.


Hikaru wonders if Kira would kill her.

She's killed two people directly. Zagato, who was only trying to protect the woman he loved. And Emeraude, who begged (ordered) for them to take her life. The fallout of Princess Emeraude's death though...

How many deaths was she inadvertently responsible for? They thought they were going to save Cephiro - it was what Emeraude pleaded for them to do! "Kill me, and save Cephiro!"

But we didn't!

The desolation that wracked Cephiro into an unrecognizable mess was their fault. How many deaths weighed on her shoulders? She had asked Clef, but he had simply told her that those deaths were not her fault and consoled her.

This did not ease her worry.

Rather, it compounded it.

They said they saved most everyone. There are hundreds living in the castle. How many hundreds had they lost?

Most, implies at least 90%. It leaves up to 10% dead.

She never dares to ask about the animals. There are very few in the castle even though they continuously ran into creatures everywhere on their original travels.

Kira kills bad people who do bad things.

Hikaru can think of no one worse than herself.

But, Kira wants to create peace in this world (even if she finds his methods naive to his goals), so would he care about another? What does it interest him what happens in another realm?

Mokona has cried for Earth. The Shinigami were never supposed to do this. They were supposed to give a gentle balance to a world without control. He has already reminded those who remained in their realm of this fact and they will not defy him.

There is nothing he can do on Earth.

It is a world ruled by free will and his interference is not allowed.

The three of them pray for a quick resolution but, it has been a whole year already. Their friends in Cephiro are horrified by the events on Earth - well, those who have been told.

Eagle is more understanding than the others. Apparently, Autozam has never had the near immunity from crime that Cephiro does.

Their friends have begged them to stay in Cephiro, at least until this passes, but, they have obligations in school and to their families and friends. As much as they love Cephiro, Earth is their home as well.

Hikaru has never told anyone that she ponders her death. Not that she wants to die, of course not; rather, she ponders over Kira's verdict of her.

Since becoming the Pillar of Cephiro she's done so much good.

Does it cancel her wrongs?

She's sure that Makona suspects her ponderings. She's not as sure that they've gone unnoticed by Umi and Fuu.

She's certain the same thoughts have passed their minds as well - more easily dismissed than her own. They've always been assured that each good act they do helps balance out the bad they unknowingly did.

She's sitting on a bench at Toho University waiting for Fuu to get out of her class before they meet Umi across campus for lunch.

Hikaru notices someone sitting on the next bench over from her. Hideki Ryuuga. Fuu had been slightly disappointed that she had only had the third highest entry score of the girls but thoroughly impressed at the two boys with perfect scores. Maybe...

Maybe talking to someone smart, who didn't know the specifics of her situation, would ease her worries. It wouldn't be that crazy, right? Everyone was gossiping about Kira.

Gathering a small piece of her suddenly vanished courage she walked over to him. "Hideki-san?" He looked up at her surprised despite seeing her approach. She is aware that his wide eyes and strange posture make most people uncomfortable and thus, he is avoided.

She bites her lip unsurely for a moment before pushing on. She's always been more of a 'doer' than a 'thinker' anyway.

"I was wondering, since you're so smart, if I could ask you a hypothetical."

His bug eyes fix on her for a moment longer than is comfortable but he finally tells her, "Ok. Would you like to take a seat, Shidou-san?" It's awkward and feels like he's inexperienced with common courtesy.

She's not surprised that he knows her name. She's well known for not being on just one, but two athletic scholarships. (Kendo and Judo.) Umi has her own reputation as a national fencer and for her beauty while Fuu has medaled in past Archery tournaments while being one of the highest ranking students in Toho.

Each of them stand out alone and she is well aware that together they are practically a beacon.

Hikaru nods and sits down. Her eyes stay locked on the textbooks on her lap, scared to voice her thoughts aloud. "Hypothetically, would Kira kill someone who was a part of assisted suicide?"

She can feel his stare boring into the side of her head and hear her heart pulsing in her ears.

"There is a 20% chance since you asked that question that you have been part of such a situation." Hikaru stiffens at the all but accusation. "It raises to 60% when you take into account that Miss Hoouji would be just as capable of answering such a hypothetical. Since you have not gone to your friend, it is highly likely that she is aware of the situation, if having not been involved herself, since you feel she cannot give you an objective opinion. The way your tensing up makes it 100%."

The knight of fire is nearly shaking with the strain she's pulled her muscles into. Her fingers are curled tight enough to draw blood (if they were long enough). Her eyes are wide in fear and remembrance. She's never confessed to anyone before and yet this stranger had figured it out. No one in this world knew even though it was common knowledge in the other realm.

"Please, give me the details of your situation." He's still calm even as he exposes her greatest crime and she's lost on any reason not to confess fully. In a version that doesn't involve magic.

"I - we were 14. She- she was losing it. She begged us to kill her before she lost all of her sanity and killed a lot of people. She tried to kill us and we - she begged us to and we fought her and - " Hikaru closes her eyes to fight off tears. She's never talked about this before. "I killed her. Umi and Fuu were right beside me but I'm the one that did it! They don't deserve any blame at all!" She's crying now.

Hideki-san hesitantly and awkwardly places a hand on her back in an attempt to sooth her. She cries a touch harder and admits the final truth. The part that made it _anything_ but better. "She thanked us." She chokes out. "In her last moments, she smiled, and thanked us."

She barely recognizes the anger/disgust/frustration that has colored her last admission.

He continued to awkwardly try to comfort her for several more minutes before speaking. "I believe this woman was quite cruel." Hikaru sucks in a breath in surprise. No one has ever spoken of Emeraude in such a way.

"She forced three children into a situation where it was kill or be killed. If she knew she was becoming dangerous she should have submitted herself into a mental hospital. The situation you were forced into was completely unfair."

Her tears renew themselves. He doesn't understand that it _had_ to be this way - but the part of her that still cries out in anguish and begs 'why' is soothed. It was unfair.

It means so much to hear that from someone who isn't saying it out of pity.

"In regards to Kira, I cannot see him blaming children who struck out in self defense." Hikaru had almost forgotten her initial ponderings entirely. She freezes. "In regards to assisted suicide in general, I cannot say. It's a very complicated subject."

He pats her back a couple more times before removing his hand. "You should not blame yourself so heavily for something that was forced onto you. You did not approach this woman with the intent to kill her and, in fact, probably saved more lives than just your own and your friends. If I am correct, and I often am, you should take the time to thoroughly talk through what happened with your friends. You are clearly very close and you should not keep secrets from those who understand you best."

Hikaru wipes at her eyes and takes a deep breath. She stands up and smiles at Hideki-san before bowing deeply. "Thank you, Hideki-san. I'm truly grateful to hear so. You've actually laid a lot of my fears to rest. I will be sure to take your advice and talk to Umi and Fuu about it."

She straightens up and smiles brightly at him.

"I'm glad I could help." He's still monotone but it's softer somehow and Hikaru is warmed.

She sees Fuu approaching and makes one last impulsive decision before she leaves. She rips off a sheet of paper from her notebook and scribbles down her number. "Let's get coffee sometime." She smiles as she hands him the page to him.

* * *

L stares at the piece of paper pinched in front of him as he examines the number. What an unexpected encounter. Despite what many would assume, L does not look to discover everyone's dirty secrets and had not checked up on those three at all beyond a quick background check. Nothing had struck him as odd beyond how close they were.

Most friend who were that close were from the same geographical and economic settings, where as these three were spread out. An event as traumatic as being forced to kill for your own safety would account for this.

He briefly considered contacting the police but immediately discarded it. The crazy woman deserved no justice and those three clearly suffered guilt over the event. There was no reason to drag this to court.

His attention turns to Shidou-san herself. A very caring individual with incredible athletics. Her academics were in the lower percent of Toho students and she was taking classes in business and social interaction - classes that often led to politics. He didn't see her going into politics so, perhaps business?

By all rights she should have been a world renowned athlete yet she refused to enter any championships that may take her away from Japan. L amends that statement. Away from her friends.

Light walks up to him as he is pondering whether to indeed have coffee with her at some point or not.

"What's so fascinating about the piece of paper?" He's slightly sarcastic but mostly intrigued. L has never simply stared at a piece of paper before.

"A girl gave me her number." Light's eyes widen in surprise. L resists the urge to smirk. Rarely does he out due anyone socially, yet alone Light-kun.

He readjusts himself quickly. "Someone asked you for tutoring?"

Of course Light-kun would make such an assumption, as unlikely as that itself is. He does smirk now. "No. She asked me to go out for coffee."

Prodding Light-kun is always fun. Pushing until his infallible outer shell wears down is sometimes a challenge or, in this instance, too easy. "Who is she?" He finally asks and L feels his smile stretch to an uncomfortable degree.

"Shidou Hikaru." He turns the paper around to prove that is the number he has and inwardly celebrates. While those three are well known on campus, they rarely associate with anyone outside of themselves. Practically having a date with an untouchable woman will rile up the Alpha male in Light.

98% chance that he will rub a date with a beautiful, intelligent woman (69% chance more athletic than intelligent) in his face in order to establish his sexual superiority.

Yes, L decides from the affronted look Light-kun tries to hide, he will have coffee with Shidou-san.

In a week when he's sure she's had time to talk to her friends.

Just to check up on her of course.

* * *

_...it started as a mere pondering of 'Would Kira condemn Hikaru' and spiraled from there. Honestly, she was never supposed to even talk to anyone - just think about it._

_Then I was struck by the urge to write her telling someone about the guilt she faced from Emeraude's death and L so conveniently would wait around on benches to meet up with Light that it was an easy fit._

_If I've made any mistakes in regard to spelling, grammar, and/or the worlds I am borrowing from please correct me._

_**Before I get spammed about Hikaru's attitude:**__ It has always felt to me that Hikaru takes on more than her share of the burden and carries the weight of the world on her shoulders. She was absolutely __**distraught**__ by Emeraude's death and without an __**objective**__ opinion to help her sort out her guilt, it would continue to build. I know L's words didn't account for a lot of her earlier thoughts but now that she's got her foot in the door on her way to actually dealing with this, she can talk more thoroughly with her friends who __**do**__ know the whole situation. In regards to guilt about the aftermath, his words reminded her that Emeraude was trying to __**obliterate**__ Cephiro, not simply let it fall into ruin. As guilty as she may feel - she saved more lives than she failed._

_**Till Next Time, Ladies and Gents.  
Hearts,  
Sera**_


End file.
